Hilarious Quotes

I have opinions of my own – strong opinions – but I don’t always agree with them. – George Bush

One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures. – George W. Bush

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher … and that is a good thing for any man. – Socrates

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers. – Homer Simpson

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. – A. Whitney Brown

Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one? – Bob Monkhouse

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty. – Imelda Marcos

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. – Walt Disney

— Hilarious Quotes —

I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president. – Hillary Clinton.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. – Bertrand Russell

Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination. – Christopher Isherwoo

I never think of the future – it comes soon enough. – Albert Einstein

I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they’re dead. – Samuel Goldwyn

I do not like broccoli. And I haven’t liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I’m President of the United States and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli. – George Bush.

Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind. — General William Westmoreland

I like marriage. The idea. – Toni Morrison

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, “Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.” – Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter).

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I can’t even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery. – Paul Lynde

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe. – Albert Einstein

I can resist everything except temptation. – Oscar Wilde.

Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it. – Mark Twain

Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation. – Henry Kissinger.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. – Groucho Marx

I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. – Woody Allen

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Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like.. love! – Homer J Simpson.

To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I’ve done it a thousand times. – Mark Twain.

I’m in no condition to drive…wait! I shouldn’t listen to myself, I’m drunk! – Homer J. Simpson

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world – Calvin.

Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. – Mark Twain

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I’m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man.. I could be eating a slow learner. – Lyndon B. Johnson

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